I Don't Like Who I've Become | Therapy With Elliott
If you keep thinking, “I don't like who I've become,” it may be a sign that the way you have been coping, relating to others, or moving through your life no longer feels like you. You might look at your reactions, choices, boundaries, or priorities and feel disappointed or disconnected.
That feeling can be painful, but it can also be useful information about what needs attention rather than proof that there is something fundamentally wrong with you.
When You Feel Disconnected From Yourself
Sometimes the shift is gradual. You become more irritable, withdrawn, people-pleasing, defensive, or critical of yourself. You say yes when you want to say no. You avoid things that used to matter to you. You notice that your decisions are being shaped more by fear, guilt, or other people's expectations than by what you actually want.
That can leave you feeling as though you have become a version of yourself you do not recognize. The problem is not always a lack of insight. You may know exactly which patterns you dislike and still feel unable to change them.
Self-esteem and confidence therapy can create space to understand how those patterns developed without reducing your identity to them.
How Self-Criticism Can Make the Problem Worse
When you do not like how you have been showing up, it is easy to respond by becoming harsher with yourself. You may replay mistakes, compare yourself to an earlier version of yourself, or decide that you should have handled things differently.
That inner pressure can sound productive, but it often makes change harder. Shame tends to narrow your attention around what is wrong with you. Curiosity gives you more room to understand what happened, what you were trying to protect, and what you want to do differently now.
If you are already feeling not good enough, judging yourself for how you have coped can pile one struggle on top of another. The work becomes less about forcing yourself to be better and more about understanding the gap between how you are living and how you want to live.
Is This a Self-Esteem Issue or an Identity Issue?
It can be either, or both. Low self-esteem often affects how you interpret your choices and relationships. You may assume you are the problem, discount what you need, or depend heavily on external approval. Identity concerns can feel broader, like you have lost touch with your values, preferences, or sense of direction.
If low confidence is affecting your life in Toronto, you might notice that you make yourself smaller at work, in relationships, or around people whose approval matters to you. Over time, that can create a version of life that looks functional from the outside but does not feel like yours.
The thought “why do I always feel like I'm not enough” may also sit underneath the feeling that you have become someone you do not like. When worth feels conditional, it is easy to shape yourself around what you think will make you acceptable.
What Therapy Can Help You Explore
Therapy can help you separate who you are from the patterns you have learned. We can look at what has been happening recently, what tends to trigger the version of yourself you dislike, and what those reactions may be doing for you.
My approach draws from Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, Acceptance and Commitment Therapy, and Humanistic principles. That can include examining rigid or self-critical thought patterns, clarifying what matters to you, and creating more room to act in ways that feel consistent with your values.
The goal is not to return to some perfect earlier version of yourself. It is to understand yourself more honestly and make choices that feel more deliberate, grounded, and recognizably yours.
What Working With Elliott Looks Like
I am Elliott McLarnon, a Registered Psychotherapist in Toronto. I work online with adults and take a collaborative, non-judgmental approach to therapy.
You do not need to arrive with a polished explanation of how you changed or when it happened. We can start with what feels off now. Sessions are 50 minutes, and a free consultation is available if you want to ask questions before deciding whether to begin.
Frequently Asked Questions
Is it bad that I do not like who I am right now?
It is painful, but the feeling itself does not make you a bad person. It may be pointing to behaviours, circumstances, or patterns that no longer fit the person you want to be.
What if I am ashamed of how I have been acting?
You can talk about shame in therapy without having to defend or minimize it. Understanding a behaviour is not the same as excusing it. It can help you take responsibility with more clarity and less self-punishment.
Can therapy help me feel like myself again?
Therapy can help you understand what feels disconnected and identify ways of living that fit your values more closely. There is no guarantee that you will feel exactly as you did before, but you can work toward a stronger sense of self-trust and direction.
Take the Next Step
If you have been looking at your life and thinking, “I don't like who I've become,” that thought can be a place to start rather than a final verdict on who you are. You can book a free consultation to talk about what feels different and what you would like to understand or change.